30.3.09

Paceline of the Damned

With another off-week from racing, Jacob had the opportunity to ride a local charity ride, and so he lined up for the Spokes and Spurs ride in the rugged terrain of Liberty Hill. At the starting line though, he was greeted by some old friends…


Jacob: Ricardo Ricco, Tricki Beltran, Leonardo Piepoli, Moises Duenas, Bernard Kohl and Schummie! What brings you all here?
Ricardo: We are serving our ban and cannot race, so we attend these rides and train together, biding our time for our triumphant return.
Bernard: Yes, it is only 16 months more.
Moises: Si, nuestra hora es proxima!

The ride began, and the old hands quickly formed into a paceline – a model of cold efficiency. Jacob tried to work with them but felt a distinct coldness upon nearing the paceline.


Jacob: Ricardo, what was that chill?
Ricardo: We are the Paceline of the Damned Jacob. You cannot work with us. We are doomed to ride charity rides for a 24-month period, we travel the country searching the charity rides that have the best included coupons to local bike stores, so that we might save ourselves money.
Jacob: Touching.


Tricki: That is not all though. We also feed off of the dying souls of expensive bikes and carbon wheels. Their pain nurtures us.
Jacob: Creepy.
Tricki: It is a sad life.


Jacob: Wait, Leonardo, bikes have souls?
Piepoli: Yes.
Jacob: Do I have a soul?
Piepoli: No.
Jacob: Does Lance?
Piepoli: Yes.
Jacob: Wait, then why?...


Moises: No hablo Ingles.
Jacob: No hablo espanol.
Moises: Perro, habli in espanol?
Jacob: Si, solo que se in espanol es como discribir que no hablo espanol.
Moises: Interesado.


Jacob: My favorite former Gerolsteiner riders, what's happening?
Kohl: We are not well Jacob. All we have known is gone. Imagine if they took school away from you.
Jacob: Goodness, I don’t know what I’d do. Probably get a crap job.
Schummie: Yes, I spend all my days with tourists and I’m dressed in Lederhosen. From the Malliot Jaune to this.
Jacob: I’ve gone through similar, but for different reasons.
Kohl: Wait, we’re done already?
Jacob: I think we accidentally did the 44 mile rather than the 63.
Schummie: Dunkompf!

After a rest stop at the bathroom, where Jacob instigated devastating attacks and managed to drop…nevermind. The ride resumed. They were going to go back to Jacobs’s house and relax and watch basketball, but they got turned around again, and went back to where things started, which is ultimately where they ended. And so the ride went full circle.

1 comment:

  1. What do you think, philosophically, of the soul of the Bicycle?

    Is it like the Velveteen rabbit, wherein le cœur du coureur, his collected ambitions and aspirations, exerted upon his bicycle, manifest within it a soul? Does the Bicycle grow in valiance with the rider?

    Or is it more like the Samurai's sword, wherein the Bicycle is a symbol for ce cœur, and its well-maintained mechanical precision and the great care and respect with which it is treated reflect the way le coureur leads his life and conducts his racing?

    Alternately, do you find it more like a traditional animism of sorts, wherein the bicycle has an inherently simple soul that wills it only to be ridden quickly and often and to go many places with its master?

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