Driveway 1:
It was a cold day. Jacob finished mid-pack.
Driveway 2:
It was more crowded than the previous week. Word had gotten out about Jacob having his first pack finish in a Driveway crit and many men lined up to keep that number at one. None would succeed. Special respect though was given to Jacob’s nemesis from a crit in a stadium a long time ago – Messala.
Jacob: Messala, we meet again.
Messala: I will avenge for my defeat in the Circus Maximus crit.
Jacob: You are a man with a long memory.
Messala: My memory is short, Jacob. My Vengeance Folder is long.
Jacob: Writing things down is good for memory…
Messala: Yes, yes I’ve found it to be so. I’ve taken to writing down my mom’s pasta recipes and it’s really served our family well.
Jacob: How nice, I wish I was ethnic.
Messala: Oh, it is, it is. The food’s good, I meet an Italian woman and we have an instant conversation. I meet a dumb Latin American woman and we have an instant conversation. We tan well, I can play Mario Bros better, I don’t have the mafia on my neck, the list just goes on an on…
And so their boring conversation went on and on, until the last lap, when Messala suddenly remembered that he was here for vengeance, and vengeance he would reap.
Messala: Oh yeah, I’m here for vengeance. To kill you. This is why I write things down. I will reap vengeance on you like I was reaping grapes for making wine.
Jacob: You don’t pick grapes?
Messala: Die Jacob!
At this point, Messala cut the reins on one of his horses and the horse careened into Jacob’s front wheel. Fortunately though, our intrepid hero had long ago made the upgrade to bladed spokes and the horse was confettied, splattering Jacob and all the riders around him in blood. Unfortunately though, having a horse shredded to death did slow down Jacob just enough so that he couldn’t beat Messala.
And so he finished 15th of 50 or so. Any way you look at it, Messala lost a horse, and Jacob showed off his awe-inspiring bike handling prowess.
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