Bursting inside, Jacob, Will, Taylor, Jason and Chris came upon several Chinese guys and several Europeans, working in a lab-like environment. Knowing that doctors can’t fight because of the Hippocratic oath, Jacob and the others quickly had them rounded up and began questioning.
“What is it you’re doing here?” Jacob said, beginning to talk to one of the European lab-workers.
“I’ll never tell you,” he replied, spitting in Jacob’s face. Not one to take insults lightly, Jacob shot him in the leg.
“Ha! That’z un prosthesis.”
Jacob shot him in the other leg.
“Ow! Mother of God! Verdammt! Ze pain!”
“Now talk.”
“Alright, alright. Since Horner couldn't persuade Lance to abandon, ve engineered this pill to make Alberto super-strong, and vin it all.”
“Yes, to drive viewers away.”
“Dah.”
“Anything else about this pill?”
“It ist fast acting, but the chemicals only come in contact vith each other when they are remotely activated, as how zhey don’t last long.”
“Hmmm…” Jacob pondered. “Do you have any non-remote versions? Don’t make me shoot you.”
“Da, in ze back.”
“Will, scoop up those pills. We’re done here.”
“Did you read the way that guy talked?” asked Taylor after they had gone outside.
“Yeah, sounded German.” Will added. “The Chinese would need some European contacts to make their nefarious scheme to boost the Tour of Qinghai Lake.”
“Yeah, but the bigger question is where they’re remotely activating it from,” inquired Jason.
They all paused, thinking.
“My goodness,” began Jacob. “There’s only one place they can do it from!"
"The top of Mont Ventoux!”
They all took an ominous look towards the Giant of Provence, looming over them from the distance.
“Grab your bikes, or steal someone’s, we’ve got a rendezvous with destiny.”
Fully kitted out, and on nice bikes, the five began the wind-blown ascent up the mountain. The had snuck onto the course, pinned numbers on themselves, and were looking as inauspicious as possible. Some people wondered if University of Texas Cycling was a ProTour team, but Jacob just told them that it was the new kits for Milram.
The ascent was long, and somewhat hard, and they knew they had to get to the phallic-looking building on top of Ventoux before someone made Contador unstoppable, so they rode hard. They also used some of those pills Will had stole/confiscated, so they could get there faster, but kept a few in reserve knowing that there might be yet another epic fight at the top.
The mountain was thick with cheering fans. They pressed in on all sides, and coursed open only at the last second. The intensity was electrifying, and helped drag the riders up the mountain. At 2k to go, the barriers kicked in, and things quieted down a bit, but at this point they didn’t need the roar of the fans, just the inspiration that came natural to their mission.
Finally, the summit was in sight.
Passing a confused Christian Prudhomme, and pushing through the scrum of media, Jacob, Will, Taylor, Jason and Chris burst, for the second time today, through a set of doors, this time into the radio tower atop Ventoux. They heard a noise at the top of a metal staircase and quickly ran up to reach the top of the building. Again, they burst through a set of doors to find:
“Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jet Li!”
“Jacob Dodson, Will Frischkorn, Jason McCartney, Taylor Phinney, Chris Horner, I should’ve known.” Replied Arnold.
“But, why are you here?”
“To make the Tour boring and promote the Tour of Austria.”
“Of course! The Tour of Austria goes on during the Tour de France as well!”
“Yes, it does, time to die.” Arnold said, grabbing a shotgun as Jet Li unsheathed a sword. Fortunately, there was a sword on the wall, so Jacob grabbed a sword while Will and Jason whipped out their pistols and returned fire on Arnold, who was doing that one-handed shotgun reloading thing like he did in the first Terminator movie.
Not distracted by Arnold’s gunmanship, Jacob turned to face Jet Li.
“We both knew it would come to this…”
“Actually, I was thinking you would’ve died at the hands of the ninjas,” replied Jet.
“Maria Sharapova saved me.”
“Ah, of course.”
Just then Jet lunged at Jacob and unleashed a furious flurry of strikes, but what with his background in playing with streamers, Jacob was just as quick and parried them all. Meanwhile, Arnold was in a shoot-out with Will and Jason, while Chris and Taylor were wishing they had guns, or perhaps that someone would get shot so they could use their gun.
All this time, the pro peloton was getting closer to the base of the climb, when the drugs inside Contador would be activated and he would become unstoppable.
“Time’s running out Jacob,” reminded Jet Li.
Yes, but just them Jacob’s incredible improvisational skill kicked in. Still locked in a deadly swordfight with Jet Li, and with Arnold yelling nonsense and pinning down his compatriots, Jacob swallowed one of those strength pills. Striking swords with Jet Li, Jacob broke Jet’s sword, and before Jet could compose himself, Jacob kicked him in the stomach, causing him to fly across the room and into a wall, which crumbled and had some dust shook off it. Arnold, looking over in surprise, was shot in the shoulder by Will Frischkorn, and Jacob threw his sword into the radio transmitter.
“Geyahu! Foiled again!” Arnold yelled in anger.
“You are a worthy adversary,” said a much more stoic Jet Li.
“We’re done here.” Jacob said, wiping the dust off his hand and leaving the building. He would’ve liked to have seen these two jokers locked up, but they were celebrities, and sometimes celebrities mess up and accidentally kidnap people in a scheme to ruin Grand Tours, so these things get overlooked sometime. Plus, arresting them meant paperwork, and it was just one day until his retirement.
Exiting the building, their fight having taken up hours and everybody already left the mountain, Jacob calmly mounted his bicycle, pedaled a few strokes, and rolled downward awash in the crimson glow of the French sunset.
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