Episode 1 - An Unexpected Errand

It was an ordinary day in Austin Texas. Jacob was inside admiring his air conditioning when his phone rang.

“Hello?”
“Jacob? It’s Chris Horner”
“Chris! How’s it going?”
“Listen I don’t have much time to talk.”
“Hey, how’d you get this number?”
“Lance gave it to me. Never mind that. I’m in Monaco, and I’m about to be-”
“Oh hey! Did you watch the Tour today?”
“Yes, I…Oh, god here they come…”

Sounds of scuffling filled Jacob’s ear, and then, silence.



He had been hung up on. Incensed, he quickly called Chris back.

“Hello?” A gruff voice said on the other end.
“You’re not Chris Horner!”
“Uh, no, no I’m not.”
“Well can I speak to him,” Jacob asked.
“No, no you may not.”
“Can you take a message?”
“No.”
“Do you know when he’ll be coming back?”
“No.”
“Have you taken him hostage?
“Yes, why yes we have.”
“Well you listen to me,” Jacob began, “I have over the years acquired certain skills, and also a keen ability for improvisation. These skills, well, mainly my improvisational ability, will allow me to hunt you down. I will find you, and I will kill you.”
“No you won’t.”
An awkward silence was then felt by both sides.
“You don’t have the guts.”
“Do too,” Jacob replied.
“Then do it.”
Hesitating, Jacob held to phone away from his face, put it back to his ear to see if the bad man had said anything else, and then finally hung up on him. There was no time to celebrate winning the hang-up first game though, he had more important phone calls to make.



“Mr. President? I need a team.”
“Sure thing, what’s the 411?”
“It’s Chris Horner, sir, he’s been taken hostage.”
“Damn! Chris is a good man. You have the full resources of the United States at your disposal.”
“Thank you sir. I’m not sure if the threat is over though, there may be threats to other American cyclists.”
“Jacob,” Obama began, “with your track record, your secret operations in which you rescued dozens of people and killed dozens others, the ones which I can’t talk about over the phone because they’re super-secret, I think the safest place for these cyclists would be with you. I think they can also help you with their knowledge of Europe.”
“With all due respect sir, I don’t work with a team.”
“You just called and said that you did need a team.”
“Oh yeah, I’m surfing the internet and I’m looking at something which mentions not needing a team and I guess it kind of slipped out. I do need a team, and I know who needs to be on it.”
“Well you automatically have my approval, hop to it.”
“Yes sir.”

Not too long later…

“Hello?”
“Fresh Korn. It’s Jacob, the Rhino has been taken hostage, I need you to join me on a trip to Monaco.”
“Damn! Not Horner!” Will exclaimed.
“Hush. We’re using code-words, your phone may be bugged.”
“Uh, yes, Thunderthighs, I’ll make arrangements accordingly.”

“Hello?”
“Paul McCartney?”
“Uh, no this is Jason.”
“Dang it!” Jacob exclaimed, “does no one use code-names anymore? Ah, forget it.”
“Wait, who the hell is this?”
“Oh yeah, it’s Jacob, Horner is taken hostage, and we’re going to Monaco.”
“Guess I better bring my guns.”
“Yes.”

“Hello?”
“Have you ever seen a grown man naked?”
“What?”
“Oh, my, I’m sorry. Uh, it’s Jacob. I was watching Airplane and Leslie Nielson said that line and it just sort’ve came out.”
“Um, ok.”
“Listen, Taylor Phinney, most of our operative are out racing the Tour de France, and we’re needed in Monaco, so I’m calling you up to the big leagues.”
“You mean, my first operation?”
“Yeah, you’ll mostly be handling tech, but it’s a big job, I know you’ll be able to deliver.”
“I won’t let you down sir.”
“Good, now get to Monaco rookie.”

His team assembled. Jacob began to make arrangements for his trip to Monaco. He knew this was to be no vacation.

Several hours later, he wisely declined the offer of airline peanuts. They might have been poison.

TO BE CONTINUED!

Episode II: In a Cool Place, Things Hot Up