Our hero, Jacob Dodson, was calmly near the back, chatting with his friends Jens Voight and Fabien Cancellara. Suddenly, after a left hand turn, the winds picked up, the pace quickened, and the silent cries of agony by dozens of riders could be heard for miles. Riders were dropping all around him, yet he continued on stoicly, bringing with him a draft to the weary, and his naturally calm demeanor. Still the attacks came. Resolved to fight it out for the long haul, our hero formed a chase group around himself, determined to fight the good fight. Pride and integrity can only hold a chase group together for so long, and soon Jacob found himself on the front of a few riders still reeling from the attacks. With Jens and Fabien at his side though, they had a chance. This is where our story begins.
Jens: Ve must vork together, ve can pull this one out!
Jacob: Yes, we are closing on the second chase group.
Fabien: Soon all will be ours.
Jens: Ve are still losing riders!
Fabien: Theirs was a necessary sacrifice.
Jacob: If we hold this pace we should – Ah!
Jens: Mein Gut! Vat is it?
Jacob: It’s, it’s my ass, my saddle has betrayed us.
Fabien: You mean?
Jacob: Yes, saddle sore.
Jens: I cannot believe it! Vat will become of us?
Fabien: I do not think we can go on for long with this…development.
Jacob: My saddle has joined our enemy and now works against us.
Jens: Cruel fate!
Fabien: Why not spend some time out of the saddle, like Jens is doing?
Jacob: I can do that, but I can only hold out so long.
Jens: I have a better idea. Here take this. It is my own recovery drink, and makes plenty of European asses cushier, perhaps it can fight the betrayal of your saddle.
Jacob: Gah, it’s no good.
Fabien: All is lost!
Jens: We will stay with you Jacob, Fabien can pretend to be sick again, I haven’t peaked yet, and you’ve got saddle sores.
Fabien: Yes, all will be airtight.
Jacob: I sure do appreciate you all staying with me.
Jens: It is no big deal. Ve will lose some interest on our holdings in Saxo Bank – how they punish us! But it is nothing compared to what your saddle has done.
Jacob: Yes, this has been a most disturbing revelation.
Fabien: Your heart rate says 213, yet we have slowed down and are going so easy?
Jacob: Yes, it actively distributing disinformation against our cause. I am not going so hard.
Jens: This conspiracy runs deep.
Fabien: Over 250 dollars, and it actively seeks your demise.
Jacob: Yes, but I shall be avenged. I shall go home, go to a bike shop, and purchase a secret weapon, one that will cushion my tush, and I will come back stronger, rested, and, with a vengeance.
Snapping out of his delusion, Jacob looks around him. Was it all a lactic acid induced fantasy? Is he really off the front? No, this was not all fantasy. His bottom is not well, he has been dropped repeatedly, and he hardly has the desire to pedal.
No time for rest though. Tomorrow is Pace Bend.
Will his new saddle work harmoniously with his betrayed ass? Will his calorie-heavy diet allow him to recover? Will he find that elusive victory on the shady circuit of Pace Bend? What mysteries and adventures await? Tune in tomorrow to find out!
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