Texas Loggerhead

One of our Tales From The Peloton correpsondents sat down with Jacob yesterday to discuss one of the more interesting members of his cycling team...



TFTP: "So what's the story behind the Texas Loggerhead?"

Jacob: "Well, a few years ago, in the wee hours of the morning, one of the treasurers at Texas Cycling was set to order some letterhead for the team. But in a coffee induced stupor, she accidentaly adopted a loggerhead turtle off the coast of Hawaii. We named him Yurtle."

TFTP: "Now, in this press photo, Yurtle appears to be wearing a helmet, is there a story behind this?"

Jacob: "Hahaha, it's a long one, but sure. Well, so here was Texas Cyling with an adopted turtle, so we decided to outfit him in our entire team kit. We worked closely with Hincapie and his lyrca spinning weevils of Southern Madagascar to develop a material uniquely suited to Yurtles needs. The results were actually astounding. I'll put it this way, they contemplated banning the LZR, well they definately would've banned this suit. Yurtle was flying. And not just the physical benefits, but the psychological ones too. A local I was chatting with the other day told me that Yurtle had been seen hunting sharks in his Texas Cycling kit. But unfortunately for the other turtles, Yurtle was the only one 'getting any play' as I believed it was explained to me. So, we had to have his suit taken away, but the helmet remained. It doesn't enhance performance like the kit does, it just keeps his noggin' safe."

TFTP: "Fascinating. And so how is Yurtle these days?"

Jacob: "Oh, I snorkeled with him yesterday and he's doing outstanding. He's not as young as he was three years ago, but what he's able to do at this age is tremendous, and we're really happy to have him flying the Texas Cycling banner way down here."

TFTP: "Well, it is really a great thing you all are doing here, any plans to adopt any other animals in the future?"

Jacob: "Well, I'm afraid I can't spill too much yet, but I do believe we are making contacts with nomads on the Siberian steppes to pursue just such an option. I'm sure we'll hear more about it later."

TFTP: "Well, as always, it's been a pleasure."

Jacob: "Thank you, and have a good one."

This Just In!

Jacob is here seen on a routine training ride in Hawai'i



"Naturally, the key to cycling on lava is not to fall and become consumed by flames. What a lot of people don’t do properly is deflate their tires to 20-30 psi, with the trick here being that when you begin cycling on the lava, the heat will cause the air to expand. Running slicks, while doable, isn’t preferable for cycling on these conditions; I much prefer to run some cross tires that I used in the fall. There may be some downsides, but I have never had a problem with pinch flats. I cannot wait to see how the bike handling learned here will translate to future endeavors. "

Deja Vu...

At the Texas State skill based crit, Jacob finds himself along his buddy from summer camp last year - Damiano Cunego…

Damiano: So Jacob, are you doping free?
Jacob: Yes, yes I am.
Damiano: Here, have a leftover holiday themed sticker.

Jacob: Oh, he’s a cute little guy.
Damiano: So he is. But let’s get down to business. How are we going to destroy this race today?
Jacob: Well, I was planning on taking a flyer with one lap to go, that seems to be about how long I can hold those things.
Damiano: Interesting idea.
Jacob: I don’t think the sprint benefits me, but if I can be in a strong position beforehand, I hopefully won’t be passed by too many people.
Damiano: Well, I think it will be successful. I think we can win this race.
Jacob: Yes we can!



25 minutes later...

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a flyer!

Jacob: Philippe Gilbert, Nikolas Vogondy, Sylvain Chavanel!
Philippe: Ah, Jacob, how nice to see you.
Jacob: What brings ya’ll to Texas?
Slyvain: The GS Tenzing Crit of course.
Nikolas: It seems so ripe for a flyer, we just couldn’t resist.
Jacob: Flyer hmmmm…might be worth my while.
Philippe: Oh, it’s always worth it. It’s ballsy, it looks good, and occasionally it just might work.
Jacob: Hmmm…just might work.
Slyvain: We were planning on one later, perhaps you would like to join?
Jacob: This might be possible.

The race proceeds somewhat uninterestingly, primes are tossed about, but none come Jacob’s way. A water bottle that was tossed takes an awkward bounce and flies back into the peloton, and a minivan got on the course, but other than that it was a pretty relaxing hour, with Slyvain showing photos of his latest vacation to Mont Saint-Michel.

Slyvain: And then, a couple hours later, it was an island again!
Nikolas: Fascinating! And it does this everday?
Slyvain: Yes! It’s the current of the ocean, it makes the place so very defensible.
Philippe: Incredible, Jacob, have you ever heard such things?
Jacob: Indeed I have, but witnessed it, I have not.
Slyvain: Oh, you should be sure to visit sometime.
Jacob: I’m actually going to Hawai’i in a few days.
Philippe: Oh, how interesting!
Jacob: I’ll be biking and swimming and sundry other activities.
Nikolas: Oh, that sounds grand!
Slyvain: He guys, it’s almost time for a flyer.
Philippe: Just a few laps left? I’m more of a 50k flyer type of guy myself, but if everyone’s doing it I guess I might as well…
Nikolas: Oh, join it’ll be fun. Jacob, you coming?

Jacob: Hmm…only two laps left, eh, it just be able to work…
Slyvain: Bonne, off we go!

And like the three musketeers of old, except with an American and a Belgian amidst them, and four instead of three, they attacked.

Slyvain: Quite the gap we’ve got!

Jacob: Yes, but here’s two riders bridging.
Nikolas: Just over one lap to go.
Philippe: We can work with the other two maybe?
Jacob: No good, one dropped off and I can’t quite match the acceleration of the other.
Nikolas: Just this right turn to start the last lap and…
Slyvain: The wind!

Philippe: Ah! It blows us to pieces!
Nikolas: Mon dieu!
Slyvain: C’est terrible!
Philippe: Oh, what catastrophe!
Jacob: Gah! We’ve been overtaken, and can’t accelerate
Nikolas: Waaaaaah!

Philippe: Where’d Nikolas go?
Slyvain: The wind has taken him!
Philippe: Oh, poor soul!

The lamentations continued. Though full of typical Jacobean dash and bravado, ultimately the move was not successful. In hindsight, tactically it just wasn’t too smart.

Phoneathon Vaughters

Jacob: Hello?



JV: Jacob, it’s Jonathan Vaughters.
Jacob: Hey, JV, what’s going on?
JV: Not much man, how are you?
Jacob: Out racing the Driveway actually.
JV: Yeah, that’s why I called. Time for me to step in as your DS.
Jacob: On my cell phone?
JV: They don’t allow radios.
Jacob: Yeah, but-
JV: Hey, get in this early break.
Jacob: But it won’t stick.
JV: We need the TV time.
Jacob: Who’s we?
JV: Bridge damnit!
Jacob: Alright, alright, I’m here.
JV: Now pull.

Jacob: I just got here!
JV: Revenue! Advertising!
Jacob: I’m pulling, I’m pulling. And we’re caught.
JV: Good work.
Jacob: Am I done for the day?
JV: You wish. Just sit in the back for now, keep an eye on things there.
Jacob: But the Silence-Lotto guys look at me funny.
JV: Don’t worry about them.
Jacob: So, I’m done for a bit?
JV: Yeah.
Jacob: Should I hang up?
JV: Well, I’m going to call you again in about 10 minutes or so.
Jacob: My phones on vibrate, I might not here it.
JV: Yeah, I’ll have important things to say then, so let’s stay on the line.

Jacob: So how’s the family?
JV: Doing pretty good. They’re in Italy for the Giro.
Jacob: Shouldn’t you be in Italy?
JV: I was this morning.
Jacob: Oh.

JV: So how’s the girlfriend?
Jacob: What girlfriend?
JV: Oh. Yeah. So you’re an English major?
Jacob: Yeah.
JV: How’s that going?
Jacob: Pretty good, got one more year to go, shouldn’t be too bad.
JV: Uhuh, that’s great. Hey, it’s the last lap, time to get back in the race.
Jacob: You couldn’t have told me this a couple laps ago?
JV: No. Your flyer off the front will get more TV time if the last they saw of you you were on the back.
Jacob: Off the front?
JV: Yeah, you’ll lead our Farrar.
Jacob: Ty’s here? I haven’t seen him…
JV: He’s in disguise, now get off the front!

JV: Hold, hold!
Jacob: Too. Soon. For. Sprint! Can’t. Heart. Rate. 205! Can’t. Keep. Arrgh!
JV: There, done. Next time, we’ll work on not getting passed by 9 people. Good job though.